Irony, sarcasm and truth

Statements full of irony, sarcasm and truth

Corporate announcements are often so formal. But sometimes the divisions between CEO code, prose and poetry aren’t clear-cut.

It does not happen often. Occasionally it happens. Managers dare to break norm and form. There are cases where the Push-out Score™ will produce interesting but totally redundant results.

Perfectly fine mid life crisis”

“After nearly 7 years as CFO, I will be retiring from Google to spend more time with my family.  Yeah, I know you’ve heard that line before. … Allow me to spare you the rest of the truths. But the short answer is simply that I could not find a good argument to tell [my wife] Tamar we should wait any longer for us to grab our backpacks and hit the road – celebrate our last 25 years together by turning the page and enjoy a perfectly fine mid life crisis full of bliss and beauty.”
(Google CFO Patrick Pichette in March 2015 in a post on Google Plus)

“Not leaving to spend more time with my family”

“I am not leaving to spend more time with my family — that presumes my family wants to spend more time with me. I will, however, be spending more time in my shop with my robots. I also have some other plans and will have more to say on what I’m doing in the next few months.”
(
Autodesk CEO Carl Bass in February 2017 in a statement posted to the Autodesk website)

“After some serious soul searching”

“After some serious soul searching I have taken the decision to retire from The Net-a-porter Group and to start a new chapter in my life.”
(Net-a-porter founder Natalie Massenet in September 2015 in an email to staff)

“That day has come”

“I have always said if there ever came a day when I could no longer meet my duties and expectations as Apple’s CEO, I would be the first to let you know. Unfortunately, that day has come.”
(Apple CEO Steve Jobs in August 2011)

“I’ve just been fired over the phone”

“I am very sad to tell you that I’ve just been fired over the phone by Yahoo’s Chairman of the Board.”
(Yahoo CEO Carol A. Bartz in September 2011 in an email to staff)

“They requested that I ‘step aside’”

“On Friday I was in Washington for a meeting with administration officials. In the course of that meeting, they requested that I ‘step aside’ as CEO of GM, and so I have.”
(General Motors CEO Rick Wagoner in March 2009 in a statement posted to the GM website)

“The Company does not intend to comment”

“The Company does not intend to comment on the various motives that led to this step, nor is this necessary in view of the shareholder structure of Knorr-Bremse.”
(Knorr-Bremse in June 2016 on the departure of Chairman Bernd Bohr)

“In the longer term”

“Tangoe, Inc. … today announced that Al Subbloie has resigned from his role as Chairman of the Board and Chief Executive Officer, effective immediately, after being informed of the Board’s conclusion that the Company in the longer term would benefit from a transition to a new CEO.”
(Tangoe in May 2016)

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